Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
