hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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