i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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