Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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