the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
