his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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