I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
