my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I could fuck to npr.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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