I wish I only lived at night.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
