3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
