i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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