i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
And then he peed in my hair
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