the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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