we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
