I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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