she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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