Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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