Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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