they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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