I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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