Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
