the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
