We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I need to align my fucking chakras
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
