I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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