I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
