At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
