I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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