fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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