She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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