I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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