tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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