Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
