put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize