So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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