it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
