So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
