I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
