we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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