she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
