If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
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I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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