your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
