So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
