ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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