the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
