I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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