I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
