So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
