So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
