I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
