These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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