I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
