That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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