you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
