so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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