oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
How's work?
Spinning.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
