yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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