i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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