Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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