Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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