the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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