i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
