I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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