You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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