I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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