Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
