I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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