Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
