I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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