I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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